Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Wanted: One Housewife

Needed 6:30 am Monday- 3 pm on Friday. This is a weekly position. I will be available on the weekends.
Duties include (but are not limited to):
  • Rolling children out of bed,
  • Making a healthy and filling breakfast,
  • Cleaning up after that breakfast,
  • Packing lunches,
  • Signing notes, homework folders and other school papers as needed,
  • Finding socks and shoes.
  • Finding socks and shoes again when children wander off with them and leave them lying around.
  • Overseeing the brushing and flossing children's teeth
  • Reminding children to practice piano
  • Driving children to school with socks and shoes on and lunches in their bags. Homework should also be included.
Duties during school:
  • Grocery shopping
  • Bathrooms
  • Laundry
  • Dishes
  • More Laundry
  • Vacuuming
  • Paying bills
  • More laundry
  • Collecting items kids will need for after school activites, such as piano and gymnastics
  • More stupid freaking never-ending laundry
Duties after school:
  • Pick up children from school
  • Pester Children to practice the piano
  • Help run the candy stand
  • Attend all school and sports meetings (including those held in two different places on the same night at the same time).
  • Help children get homework finished and back in their bags while cooking dinner
  • Finish laundry (Ha ha ha ha. . .as if that is ever possible)
  • Oversee children as they do their chores
  • Try not to burn dinner (eating out is not allowed, as that would be cheating)
  • Remind children to bathe
  • Brush and floss their teeth
  • Clean up after dinner
  • Force Children to practice piano or suffer dire consequences
  • Pick up clutter left on the floor
  • Help children settle into bed, complete with bedtime ritual.

Pay is minimal and dependent on experience.
Bonus given for driving children to and from their activities without forgetting anyone or being late.

7 comments:

KA said...

Your blog is birth control.

frizzlefry said...

Oh yes. Very much so!

katzbox said...

And how come the average mommy doesn't weight 80 pounds?...I always thought it would be very very fair if every time we gave birth, we could grow another arm and hand. It would be so "handy", for lack of a better term. And you know, here in the Valley, guys can drive past the Home Depot and get all kinds of "Day Labor"...you get me?...where can we go?...where can we drive past to pick up a female day laborer???? Walmart??? I need to work on this????

And yes honey...your post is birth control....but your pics are adorable...

Christina said...

What??? There's pay involved? I've been doing all that for free all this time?

And no, sticky hugs and slobbery kisses are not compensation for cleaning up puke at 3 AM. It just isn't.

frizzlefry said...

Oh, there's no pay involved for ME, but I am willing to pay someone to come take over. I can't afford what someone would charge for all of this, but I might get a few things done that are hanging over my head and have nothing to do with children. . .

Mom said...

Ummm, what happened to 6:30-3 pm? I was ready to apply, until I saw the dinner-bedtime schedule.
But, then, I doubt you could afford my rates. They involve not only cash, but beachfront property.
And you thought I came to CA to see the grandkids. Really, its just for the beach!

frizzlefry said...

It's still 6:30 to 3pm, but if you look closely, it's 6:30 Monday to 3 pm Friday! You can sleep at night- maybe I'll let you go to bed at 10? :)

Yes, I too dream of beach front property!!