Friday, June 20, 2008

Cub Scout Camp

If you missed the first part of this saga, you can find the friends of scouting story here.

The title really says it all, but let me reassure you, no cub lives were lost during my stay at cub camp today. I can't vouch for tomorrow though.

A few highlights from today:

5 straight hours in 108 degrees while getting squirted with spray bottles and sprinklers will make your hair stand on end. I'm not even posting a picture of me from today.

"LDS" scouting moms get their way if they refuse to pay for an "approved" T-shirt. The staff stops referring to them as intruders about the time they realize they need them to run activities. Because while there were at least 100 adults present on Day 1, by Day 3 of sweltering heat on an arid field, many of the adults have wimped out and stayed home.

If a cub scout can not use his toothpick arms and wet grassy sweaty socks to pull himself over these pegs and onto a slide, There's probably not much a 35-year old woman riddled with arthritis can do. Which in no way stops her from launching herself awkwardly over the edge of the inflatable toy to hoist a very embarrassed and very sad child up over the pegs.
Because the slide was mocking him. And about 30 other kids just like him. It was a fabulous fun filled day at the bouncer. I'm just saying.

Last, I have finally found a location hotter than Hell. I plan to threaten my kids with it the next time they are turds. So tomorrow morning, pretty much as soon as they wake up.

Today, I made the mistake of using a porta-potty. After 3 hours of cub scouts using it. Which is funny, because most of them were capable of shooting BB's into a bullseye from 15 feet away.

I had to pee really badly when I went in, but the 150 degree internal temperature immediately caused my body to return the pee back to my blood stream. Handy, since the smell of evaporated urine caused me to retch. Honestly, my own personal hell will not only be hot, but will smell like concentrated pee and contain large numbers of crying spindly armed boys. Because I cannot bear to watch them clinging desperately to the middle of the peg ladder, praying for just one trip down the slide.

And tomorrow, I get to do it all over again. But hopefully without inflatables. I gave 110% on the flying dive rolls over the side today. I've got nothing left for tomorrow's whiners.


Jen said...

I am right there with you on the port a potty thing. There are few things worse.

Kathi D said...

Bless you, my child.

frizzlefry said...

Hey Jen-
If we both hate Port a Potties, does that make it ironic that we met while working for a portable toilet company? Or is that Karma? Or fate?

Christina said...

Cub camp is next week for us. Fortunately I don't have to do anything except get him there since it's all been planned for months and we are johnny come latelys to the whole thing. In fact he isn't even technically registered yet.

Anonymous said...

You are a good woman to join in a scouting fray adventure ... do you know how many browine points in heaven you just earned? Like a million or two


Joanna and Tyler said...

Your blog always makes me laugh!

Brig said...

I've got Cub Camp next week, too. Someone around here got smart though, and is having a "twilight" camp from 6pm to 9pm. Yeah, the kids will be up late, but I don't think we'll have the problems with the heat that you had.

I love your blog--I found it from the Tortillas recipe, which I made this week by the way. :)

Naomi said...

You paint such a vivid picture. I was laughing so hard at your description of the slide. How do you always get suckered into these things. Mom of the Year, once again!