Monday, December 10, 2007

Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer

Being the Christmas season, I thought I’d share a little story. It happened a few years ago, to a person who shall remain nameless to protect her privacy. From here on, I’ll just refer to her as Grandma.

It was a warm summer day and Grandma was minding her own business, on a visit to a friend. She might have been taking cookies to the wolf. . .wait, that’s a different story.

This friend lived on a farm and raised goats and other livestock. No one told this friend that domesticating a deer was a bad idea. In addition, no one told Grandma that a deer masquerading as a dog would become viscous and violent with no provocation. You see, Grandma had met this pet and this pet had been nice to her. Who would have guessed Bambi could go bad?

Grandma got out of her car, quite possibly even whistling. Now, you should know that Grandma is spry. She exercises, she skies, and she still has the tough farm girl muscles she developed in her youth. However, she was a bit surprised when she saw the deer rushing towards her. Some of us might run. Some of us might scream. Not Grandma. She stood her ground and put her best negotiating tactics into play. She talked to the deer soothingly, she made no sudden movements, she breathed evenly. Maybe it understood her and maybe it didn’t, but that killer deer didn’t break its stride. Suddenly, it skidded to a stop directly in front of her, raised up on its hind legs, and clip-clopped Grandma right on the head- a couple of sharp raps.

Grandma, having raised 4 teenagers, was no stranger to aggressive animals. Dizzy but undaunted, she popped her arm forward and punched that deer right up side the head. Don’t think she didn’t. Of course, that just made the deer angrier. It reared again and clip-clopped her on the side of the face and arm. What did Grandma do? In true pioneer fashion, she gave it a clear, “On no you di-in’t” and snaked out another solid punch to the side of its head. The deer snorted, backed off a little and wheeled around for another go. Grandma took a breath, squared up, and ran like hell for the car. She made it, but with just hairs to spare.

The moral of the story? Never mess with wild animals, and never ever underestimate your Grandma.

7 comments:

katzbox said...

That is a seriously funny story...I mean funny!!! First, I had no idea that deer could be even remotely domesticated (or maybe they can't) and the image of a grandma openin' up a can of whoop..well, whatever the can was that grandma opened appeared effective....groovy grandma...and this is your legacy...way to go!!!!

katzbox said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
katzbox said...

My comment was posted twice for some reason so I deleted it...sorry...

Naomi said...

So, now it all becomes clear . . .

No wonder you can take on any smart-alec door salesman without even blinking an eye! It's in your blood.

Great story! I've always had this scenario in my head that if some rabid dog came running at me I would give them a boot to the head. The fact that she used her fists is VERY impressive!

scpcrath said...

Okay that is a great story. I wish I knew someone that! Although my grandmother was a little spit fire all her own.

frizzlefry said...

Oh, this isn't anyone I know (wink wink). Really, I just made this up (mom, do you think they're buying it? Do you feel protected with your name changed and all?). But I imagine if the "Grandma" I know were to encounter a deer like this, she would do exactly the same thing. Weird, eh?

Mom said...

No comment. I believe in protecting the maimed!